We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize