so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We don't watch enough power rangers
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
