It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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