Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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