Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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