Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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