I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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