Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
