Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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