I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
