She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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