I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm going to jail i love you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
