what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
