you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
