In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no, he came in my armpit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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