I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
