Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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