we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
