16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
