I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
