we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
