I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there is puke in my bra ... again
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