I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
