and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
