HIV tests are more positive than that guy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
