Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
