Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
