Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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