KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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