I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
