I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
