My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
