Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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