Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have to summon your inner elephant
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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