You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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