dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
