He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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