You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
