i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
