he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
