she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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