so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
