dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
