i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
