Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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