My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
