I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
