My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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