I don't think brook has ever known best
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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