if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
