She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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