This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
