1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
