You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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