I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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