The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
