I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
