he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
