naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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