i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
