Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
