you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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