Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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