Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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