Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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